Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First: A Guide for the Overwhelmed Parent

There's a reason they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first during an emergency. You can't help anyone else if you can't breathe yourself.

As a sensitive person and a parent, I spent years trying to be the "calm anchor" for my family. I tried to absorb all the chaos, manage everyone's feelings, and be a rock-solid source of peace, all while my own nervous system was in a quiet panic.

It was exhausting, and it wasn't working.

The breakthrough came when I stopped trying to be a perfect, mythical "anchor" and started focusing on a "drop-dead simple" rule: I had to put my own oxygen mask on first.

I realized the most powerful tool I had for my family was my own regulated nervous system.

This is co-regulation.

My family didn't need a "perfect" mom who never got flustered. They needed a mom who was honest and skilled enough to find her own calm.

• When I started using "micro-habits" to support my nervous system... my whole family got calmer.

• When I gently said, "Mommy is feeling overwhelmed right now, I'm going to take three deep breaths"... my child started learning how to do it, too.

• When I stopped trying to be a perfect anchor for everyone else, I finally became a real one for myself.

Your calm is not another stressful "to-do." It's your oxygen. All the simple micro-habits we do for ourselves—the sip of water, the 30-second stretch, the quiet moment of breath—are not selfish. They are the "drop-dead simple" and essential act of putting on our own masks so we have the capacity to show up as the calm, present parents we want to be.