The Edit
For over a decade, I've been on a journey to understand my sensitive system. I've read the books, tried the apps, and done the research so you don't have to.
This isn't a library of everything out there. This is my go-to curated list of the tools that actually worked for me and my family. These are the things that helped me find my calm.
A quick note: These are just the books, apps, and tools I've used and genuinely love. I am not an affiliate and get no kickbacks. I'm just sharing what's worked for me, from one 'Calmly Capable Friend' to another.
Helpful Apps
Nerva: This is the gut-directed hypnotherapy app I used. It was a key tool in retraining my brain-gut connection and calming the 'CODE RED' signals from my nervous system.
Every Mother: After my 'normal' birth, my pelvic floor needed release, not more tightening (Kegels). This app was my solution. It has clear, guided breathwork to relax the pelvic floor and heal diastasis recti. I focused on it for a year, and it was the perfect tool for that specific 'season' of healing.
Lo Rox App: This is one of the few 'routines' that has become a permanent part of my toolbox. Inspired by her book, I use this app for rebounding, foam rolling, and soft-ball work. It's a brilliant, gentle way to work on your fascia, posture, and pelvic core.
StretchIt App: Now that I'm back at a desk, my old pinched nerve (from mild scoliosis) is back. I've learned that 'contraptions' don't work for me, but simple, consistent stretching does. This app is my 'Toolbox' for 5-minute desk stretches to keep my posture supported.
Flo: A simple, clear app for tracking your cycle. For me, this was the beginning of my 'Gentle Detective' work. Seeing the pattern of my symptoms versus my cycle was the 'aha!' moment that doctors missed.
Physical Tools
Paul McKenna / Reveri: I use the Paul McKenna app regularly as a tool for sleep. I'm currently testing it against Reveri to see which I like better. The verdict is still out, but Paul's is my current go-to for a simple, guided hypnosis.
P Tracker: My 'Gentle Detective' work all started here. I've used this simple tracker for decades. Seeing the pattern of my symptoms against my cycle was the 'aha!' moment that proved my gut issues were hormonal. A simple, powerful tool.
Rebounder: This is a core part of my 'Toolbox.' A few minutes of gentle bouncing is a way to get my lymphatic system moving and shake off anxious energy. I don't need to change my clothes; I just hop on.
Foam Roller & Soft Ball: These are my go-to tools for releasing tight fascia in my back, shoulders, and hips. You don't need a fancy routine; just finding a tight spot and breathing into it for 30 seconds is a 'small win'.
Forme Bra: I'm always testing new posture tech. This is a posture-correcting bra I've tried. It's a good reminder, but I find that simple, active stretches (like from the StretchIt app) are a more sustainable solution for me.
Helight Red Light: This is a key part of my wind-down ritual. I turn off the harsh overhead lights and switch on this red light. The warm, gentle glow is a simple, non-screen way to signal to my nervous system that it's safe to rest. It's a tool for a calmer evening and better sleep.
Mouth Tape: This is one of my favorite game-changing tools for better sleep. It's a gentle way to ensure you're nasal breathing all night, which is a powerful micro-habit for calming your nervous system. It's a 'small win' that makes a huge difference in my sleep quality and how I feel when I wake up. A non-negotiable in my 'Toolbox'.
Gua Sha & Facia Tools: This is a key 'Toolbox' item for my 'Posture Pillar.' I have a few different gua sha tools that I use on my face, neck, and chest. It's a fast and easy way to release tight fascia from 'tech neck' or jaw clenching. A few minutes of this is a powerful, mindful act of touch.
Trader Joe’s Jojoba Oil: My go-to for all my gua sha and fascia tools. You don't need a fancy, $50 oil. This simple Jojoba Oil from Trader Joe's is affordable hack. It's gentle on my sensitive skin, gives the perfect 'slip' for the tools, and is incredibly affordable. A 'small win'.
Essential Reading
It's not about reading more; it's about reading the right things. Over the past 10 years, I've done the research. Here is my 'drop-dead simple,' curated library of the books that truly made a difference. These are the ones that provide real, actionable clarity.
For Your Nervous System (The “Why”)
(The foundation for understanding your body's signals)
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: The 'bible' for understanding why your body feels unsafe even when your mind knows you are. A life-changing read.
What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: The "Gentle Detective's" guide to your own story, reframing the question from "What's wrong with me?" to "What happened to me?"
The Worry Trick by David A. Carbonell
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A "drop-dead simple" book that teaches you a new relationship with anxiety. The core idea: stop fighting the anxious thoughts and just let them be.
For the Capable Parent (Less Doing, More Being)
(How to stop over-parenting and build resilience)
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This book gave me the permission to step back. It’s a simple argument for why letting our kids struggle (and fail) in small ways now is the only way they learn resilience for later. It stopped my "rescue" mode in its tracks.
Duct Tape Parenting by Vicki Hoefle
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: The title says it all. This book taught me that sometimes the most "capable" thing I can do is... nothing. It’s about stopping the nagging and lecturing, allowing natural consequences to do the teaching.
Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: If you feel like you are constantly entertaining or nagging your kids, read this. It teaches an ancient, calmer way of parenting where the child is part of the family team, not the center of the universe. It changed the vibe in our home completely.
The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: The foundational guide for any parent who thinks their child might be an HSP. It gives you the language and the tools to understand their rich, deep, and easily overwhelmed world.
The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: If you have a child who goes from 0 to 100 instantly, this is your manual. It shifted my view from "behavior problems" to "lagging skills." It teaches a specific, collaborative way to solve problems with your child, reducing the explosions before they start.
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A must-read for understanding the environment we are parenting in. It validates the need for strong boundaries around technology to protect our kids' nervous systems and allow them to grow up with resilience.
For Your Life Seasons (The “Journey”)
(For parents, caregivers, and cycle-breakers)
It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This explains how we can carry the fears and traumas of our ancestors. It was the key to understanding my own 'felt safety' and posture.
Break the Cycle by Dr. Mariel Buqué
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A powerful and gentle guide for parents who want to heal their own trauma so they don't pass it on. This is the 'how-to' for becoming a true 'Calm Anchor' for your family.
The Power Pause by Neha Ruch
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This book is for anyone who has taken a "pause" for family. It's a powerful validation that this time is not an empty space—it's a period of deep self-discovery that will fuel your next chapter. This is my story.
My Father's Brain by Dr. Sandeep Jauhar
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A deeply moving memoir that helped me understand my own journey as a caregiver. It's an honest look at family dynamics and the profound emotional weight of supporting an aging parent.
The Unexpected Journey by Emma Heming Willis
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This is on my immediate "to-read" list. It's a much-needed guide for the "Sandwich Generation"—those of us navigating the complex, overwhelming season of caring for both our children and our parents
The Relaxed Woman by Nicola Jane Hobbs
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This is a core book in my "Toolbox." It's a simple guide to understanding that rest is a skill and a necessity, not a luxury. It's full of gentle practices for teaching your nervous system that it is finally safe to be calm. A must-read for anyone who feels "on" all the time.
For Your Body & Hormones (The “How”)
(The "Toolbox" for how to heal)
Breathe by James Nestor
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This book will change the way you think about a simple inhale and exhale. It's the "why" behind all the breathwork we do (like nasal breathing) and its direct link to our nervous system.
The Power Source by Lauren Roxburgh
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: This is the book I wish I'd had during my 10-year pelvic floor journey. It confirms the key: the answer is release and breath, not endless Kegels.
Hormone Intelligence by Dr. Aviva Romm
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A "Gentle Detective's" guide to your hormones. A fantastic resource for understanding the why behind your cycle, brain fog, and energy slumps, with simple, natural solutions.
Sit Up Straight by Vinh Pham
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A perfect "Posture Pillar" book. It gives you "drop-dead simple" movements to release the tension you've been holding for years
For Your Calm Environment (The “Where”)
(Creating a space that supports you)
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: The book that started my own decluttering journey. The "thanking your items" method was the "drop-dead simple" tool that helped me gently let go of my attachment to the past.
Declutter Like a Mother by Allie Casazza
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A realistic approach for busy parents. This book isn't about perfection; it's about setting an intention for your space so it can support you, not drain you.
My "Calmly Capable" Blurb: A beautiful reminder that a 'calm environment' is about more than just being tidy. It's about adding warmth, light, and a feeling of cozy safety to your home.
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